Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
