I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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