you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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