I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
