sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
