I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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