There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
