It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
