This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
