Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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