So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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