I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
