im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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