I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
