Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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