I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
