apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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