Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
