Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
