Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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