I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
