I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
