i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
