My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
