Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

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(208): View more from Idaho

this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...

Fav 16 1287 3391
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(410): View more from Maryland

I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

Fav 11 5427 2021
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

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(813): View more from Florida

You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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(519): View more from Ontario

We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.

Fav 0 15 16
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