I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
