Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
