she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
