Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
