My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want her autograph on my taint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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