You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
