my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize