we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
