My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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