you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
