this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
