I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
