Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize