Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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