Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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