It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
be right there i have to get my cape
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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