just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
