Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
