Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
