TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
