Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
