I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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