Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize