Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
