She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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