No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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