this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
