just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
