and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
