Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
