U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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