That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
