I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
