i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everyone is single if you try hard enough
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
