He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
