so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
