u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
