someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
