dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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